Jan 27, 2012

Burden of Optimism

I returned from office thinking about the happenings of the day. My mind was very tired and very hungry; of course I had a bad day. I entered in my room, and there were no lights, it was darkness all around.

I sometimes think that what do I expect from my life, just happiness or is there more to it????? Long back I pondered  this and gave it a thought in the form of my post Work and Happiness. But right now I feel so much confused that how do I explain to people the true meaning of happiness, either they are fools or I am crazy. When someone in an attempt to save his job, life just plays with you or anybody; will he trying to be happy in his life, or will he be living with a fear of losing his job. I don’t know how many of you can understand this statement. When you make the latter described attempt, with my thinking you are searching more than for what happiness requires, and this turns out to be lust, greed and illusions of this mundane world. Can somebody just do anything when he lives in this illusive world??and Can somebody be optimistic when he lives with the people living in the illusive world. Is it not going to be a burden to him to be optimistic while living amongst those people?

It is very difficult to be intentionally optimistic, may be easy for you, but not for me in some cases. When you know that the person is going to use you for his purpose what will you do, will you be keep getting used for the sake of following optimism, or will you also enter into the great world of politics and diplomacy and then move on to the ruts left behind by that same person and will just make them deeper for someone else like you to follow. I have chosen the first one, and I am feeling the burden of it. I enjoy being optimistic, but the easiness of being negative just attracts me so much that I can’t help it. At that instant, I feel optimism as a burden, it goes in my mind like this- “ why to think like this, if we can very easily think like that” , here ‘very easily think like that’ means to be negative, and ‘why to think like this’ is being positive and requires such a strong inner determination that you can’t even express your pain and you have to express your happiness to express pain. I have done it many a times.

There is no threshold limit for being positive or being negative, but is this just my feeling that being positive is a burden sometimes, or it can be as easy as being negative. But if it would have been so easy, why the people around chose to be negative, or are they oblivious to the magic of being optimistic, which in the true sense I also have not yet experienced. When a child comes into this world, he only comes with a smile, not even with a power to comprehend. But slowly, when the brain develops and when he has to make his own expressions the smile changes in to fear; fear of coming second in the race, fear of failing in the exams, fear of not getting a good job, fear of not getting a good girl, fear of losing a job, fear for his children, fear that he would be unhappy, fear of his death.

Do you know, that every thought is infectious in nature, if you will be happy, you will spread happiness and if you will be unhappy you will spread unhappiness. But, the problem comes when there are so many fearful people around and you are trying to be happy. See, by writing this I started fearing that negativity will take roots into my mind because of so many fearful people?? This is the burden of optimism.

Whenever you start feeling the burden of optimism, I would strongly suggest remembering or talking or looking on to the pictures of your girl friend, or wife or sisters or the greatest –mother. You will feel the relief from that burden of optimism, and you will again start enjoying the magic of optimism. I am thankful that I am back into that magic world, and I hope you are right there only.

Image Courtesy:http://top-10-list.org/2009/11/27/ten-ways-to-be-happy/


Jan 22, 2012

Only Time Will Tell

Book Review: Only Time Will Tell
Author: Jeffery Archer

Only Time will Tell is a story of Harry Clifton. It tells us about his life from his child hood to the time where he makes an important decision to either join in the forces to support his country in war or continue his literary pursuits. This book is the first part of the ‘Chronicles of Harry Clifton’, and there are two more books that continue the story of Harry Clifton.

The book started with Maisie, Harry’s mother, that how she got married and gave birth to Harry. Clifton’s belonged to a family who worked in dock areas for their livelihood, and Arthur Clifton, Harry’s father was no exception. But somehow, fate had written something else for them, and Arthur Clifton went away from their lives. Nobody came to know the real reason of Arthur’s death, and this became the central theme of the story.

Harry started his life in a scantily-living family, without his father. He attended lowly school but it was his sheer luck that he got supportive people in his life that made possible for him to study in good universities. He also fell in love with a girl, Emma but his love story had a connection with his father’s death which brought an end to this part, leaving Harry at a point to join forces, and ended in a fashion of marking a beginning to Part two.

Author had written it well, but there were some parts in the book that were over exaggerated and were not at all related to the story. The book was a bit slow, and with a simple language. The good thing was the book was written considering the international readers, and author had not gone too far in describing Church practices and other related events of one country. This one’s the first that I had read of Jeffery Archer, but unfortunately I missed his other impressive works and read this one.

On the whole, I’d say this one is only for diehard fans of Jeffery Archer.

Jan 8, 2012


Sky is blue,
i can see from the window,
air is silent,
i can feel from this place.

Slideshow is on,
voice is around,
but my mind is wandering
on other people’s face.

Sometimes there is pain (in head)
sometimes attention (to the slideshow)
so many graphs, so many texts
bouncing on my brain.

Speaker is kind,
gives us the delighters
to keep us alive,
as he must have gone through the same.

Wrote these lines when I was feeling sleepy while attending one training program in my office, last month....

Image Courtesy:http://www.computerbasedtrainings.net/

Jan 1, 2012

First Love..

After a busy day in the office, Amay was returning home from a local transport. He always felt proud and joyous of himself when he comes out of office having spent a day loaded with work, and that too completing it successfully. He had felt tired at the end, when there is less work; he had been like that only from the beginning and had always kept his mind engaged in something or the other. Today was as usual happy day for him, and he was listening to latest bollywood hits. It was when he boarded the bus, then he saw her.

She was very fair, had big eyes and was simply dressed in a light-colored salwaar-kameez, elegantly adorning herself with flowered dupatta. He liked her instantly.

‘ Ticket??’bus conductor interrupted his thoughts.

‘Yeah, to karve nagar chowk’ said Amay.

He noticed her getting down at ‘Dhanukar Colony’ stop, just one stop before his place at karve nagar chowk. It was not the first time that he liked some girl instantly. In fact there were many instances in his life in school days, in college and outside that he liked them, and there had been one common thing in all those instances that he never even made friends with them. He always made friends just by interacting with them, free of personal motives and selfish desires. Effective use of time had always been the top priority in his life, and he found it useless to run before a girl to only impress her. It had to happen naturally, or otherwise he had let the things take their route the way they wanted. He had up till now prioritized work over everything and had lived his life like that only.

But things were now changing for Amay, he was 23 graduate from a good engineering college, landed up in a good job with fine salary and was still single with no body to spend on. He had sometimes felt lonely on weekends when most of his friends were busy in their lives; according to him after all you cannot just talk to your family members or friends for 24 hours. He now badly wanted to have a girlfriend, but like his many friends he just couldn’t spend his day and night to talk to a girl. He actually also realized that a change of attitude is required in him, otherwise he could remain single always. He had all these thoughts in back of his mind these days, and saw an opportunity when he saw that girl today to open up and make her a friend at least. With these thoughts in mind, he slept to enter in the next happier day.

The next day passed in the same way, and he for the complete day didn’t even remember that he liked some girl yesterday and vowed to talk to her somehow; it was only when he was boarding a bus that he realized she was not there today. But this time he was determined to do something different, and he got down at her stop to just see the people around, and may be if luck permitted then he could see her also. However nothing happened and he returned to his place walking alone, contemplating on something or the other.

After two days, their timings again matched but this time she was near to the front gate in the bus and he was at the back, with lots of people in between who had nothing to do with his wish. Amay bravely struggled with those people and reached to a position where he could talk to her- “but how??”, the question kept lingering in his mind, and her stop came, but this time he also went down with her. He was quite sure that she was oblivious of him chasing her as he kept a distance. He thanked God when she went to a road side provisional store, and obediently followed her.

“ May I have 2 Maggie packets”, she asked to a shopkeeper.

What a sweet voice he thought, and praised himself for choosing a right girl. “haan bhaiya, kya chahiye” He was in his thoughts looking at her, and realized that shopkeeper was gazing at him, and kept on asking again and again, that what is it he wants, and finally he realized the condition and instantly said biscuits.

“kaun sa” He asked in such a brutal tone that Amay thought he would tell her to be aware of hooligans following her.

“NIIICE” Amay said with such a smiling and a sweet tone that she smiled to herself and said, “Looks like you like them so much”,

“Actually, yeah I really love NICE biscuits” Amay replied instantly and thanked “Britannia” for giving their product this name, not even giving a thought to what he is saying.

“Oh really, interesting…..NICEEE to see you then”, she smiled, paid money for Maggie and moved out of the store.

Amay was delighted to have this unexpected and impromptu conversation with her, but also considered himself a fool for not even asking her name.

In the days that followed, he tried hard to match his timings with her, and started exchanging smiles, and later after a brief chat in bus came to know her name as Urvashi and that she was from Satara and was working in some software company here. After some days, their timings started matching on a frequent basis, and in a conversation he asked her if she would be interested in accompanying him to a book fair. She agreed to it and that took their friendship to next level and they started exchanging messages and frequent calling.

He was happy that finally he made her a good friend, and over a period also realized that Urvashi is a nice, beautiful, very simple and unpretentious girl in nature. He loved these qualities and most important to him is she is very positive in her life. He finally decided that he will move one step ahead to make her his girlfriend.

The only obstacle to it was his work, as he was getting more of it day by day, and neither could match the bus timings nor talk to her for days. Work was important for him, but now he had come to this epiphany that there were many other important things and relationships in life, and most important of them is a girl. He remembered the lightness of the time that they spent together and the delight in his voice when he talked to her. He missed all of that these days.

However, somehow he learnt to find time to talk to her, and just to know her reaction also sometimes indirectly indicated her of his feelings. He became happy and motivated to see a positive reaction from her, and then without even proposing after sometime actually started treating her like his girlfriend. The unique thing in their relationship was they never talked for hours like a typical case of a new-born relationship. They only talked for each other’s day and wel- being, and both valued that brief chat and were happy in their relationship.

This did not continue for a longer time, and Amay faced an aversion to their relationship from Urvashi. He could not understand the actual reason, however hard he tired to know, but she was so firm in not telling him that his interest over a period also reduced. But Amay always tried to be in touch with her.

Again, the clouds loomed over, and he got so much occupied in his work that they didn’t talk for a while. But this time to his surprise she called first. He realized with her tone that she wanted a relationship but there was something holding her.

The next morning looking at the bright sun, he decided that whatever happens, he has to propose before going to Bangalore on an official trip. This was the first time after meeting her that he was going out of Pune. They agreed to meet up a day before his visit in Café Coffee Day on J.M Road. He was all ready to propose, and to show his love and feelings to her.

“Hi” He waved his hand on seeing her standing outside CCD.

“Why didn’t you take a seat inside” He asked.

“I thought to wait outside for you.” Came the instant reply.

He didn’t ask more, and said, “OK, let’s move in then.”

They took a seat at the corner, there was not much crowd but both wanted some privacy in this talk.

“So, how is work going” He asked to start the conversation.

“Yeah good, just going as usual and yours”

“yeah fine, I am going Bangalore for some days tomorrow”

“Oh! Good, so fun on an official trip”

“ Ah! You can say like that, but work is work wherever it may be”

“Yeah, you are right”

“How is life other than that…”

“Yeah..just going.. my father is in hospital”

“In hospital…why???”, Amay asked taking a sip of coffee, considering it as some normal routine checkup.

“ His body is half paralysed” She replied without hesitation in a very direct tone.

Amay was shocked on hearing this, and didn’t say anything for a moment and then gathering himself asked, “When did this happen?”

“Some fifteen days back”

“You didn’t even tell me”

“What to inform, he is ill and bed ridden since a long time, but this time it was a huge toll, making him completely paralysed”

He gathered his thoughts and finally understood that why he saw an aversion from her to their relationship. He finally dared to ask, “ Are you now the only working person in your family?”

“Yes” came the instant reply.

He thought ‘what a strong girl she is’, and considered himself a fool for not even trying to know what was happening in her family.

He knew that she has one younger brother and sister and who are studying, and could just only imagine the burden that she might be having these months.

“I have so many family responsibilities to fulfill, and so I didn’t get time for any other thing” she said. She somehow guessed that Amay was to propose to her, so she told him indirectly before hand and indicated that do not propose to me otherwise I would not be able to say “NO”.

Amay understood that very well and kept his feelings to him only, and after some more chat dropped her to bus stand.

He saw so much love in her eyes, but could not say anything, as he had to support her and to made her feel strong. He knows that if he had offered her help, he would have hurt her feelings and would have made her feel like weak women, which she was clearly not. So he just vowed to be her good friend ready to support to her in any condition she would like, and waved to her as she boarded the bus. He said in his heart, “I LOVE YOU”

This post is inspired from a true story of someone....

Image Courtesy:http://chetankejriwal.wordpress.com